day 1

Inspired by #100happydays, I've continued my campaign of happiness to provoke others to become one with their own. This adventure I launched to become happy again, meant I truly needed to be ... Be awake, be aware, be mindful, be positive.  I needed to change something within myself if I wanted to develop a happy life.  And so here I am, after 100 days of bliss and I'd like to share where it all began.  (I'm quite the talker so I'll keep it brief)

In April 2013 I competed in my first figure competition and I had this skewed vision that if I had abs, nice shoulders and I compete then the happiness I was seeking would appear.  Enlightening experience, met great people and I know more about myself now but, it definitely isn't for me.  Once the big day was done, all the treats were eaten and the adrenaline had descended; I gained 27 pounds, fell into a deep burrow of depression and anxiety, hated my existence and created an unhealthy relationship with food.  I ate to heal my sadness and anger, I ate because it was my comfort, I ate because I felt like I might never eat again.  As this unhealthy behaviour took over, I suddenly realized that this had turned into a binge eating disorder.  This was the root of all my underlining obstacles and it wasn't the only struggle I needed to remedy.

February of this year, I decided it was best to leave my job.  My depression and anxiety became a severity and knew it was time.  I was sick of feeling sick and sick of feeling poisoned.  Coincidently, a friend of mine was going on vacation with her family, just as I was leaving my job. She had asked me to stay at her cottage like, beach home to house/dog sit for one month. I knew this alignment was happening for a reason, this was meant to be! Knowing that this was the best break for me mentally, I was quick to say yes. The beach healed my soul and my animal companion gave me strength to feel.  I started feeling whole again.  

During my stay, I came across the #100happydays project. What the heck, I had nothing to lose!  But I did lose something; I lost my sadness and anger, I lost the need to compare, I lost jealousy, I lost the hate and pity for myself.    Things were turning around!!!  I made an effort everyday to find the positive moments, to see through all the bullshit, see the good in everything, sent out positive vibes for my inner intentions.  Happiness wasn't a desire anymore, it was my reality.  It was all very simple, stop seeking and just be ...